Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
