I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
