woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
