I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
