Are we in a gay sports bar?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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