it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
