Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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