I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
