Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
