I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
