why do cheetos always look like penises
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
