So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I believe in your delicious
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