I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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