I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
