Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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