Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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