Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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