if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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