I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
