is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
