perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
