Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
