Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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