I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
