my phone needs a breathalizer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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