What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
