idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
