My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize