Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
