I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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