If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
