my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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