How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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