It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
