I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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