Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
