I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
