had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
