I hope mine doesn't look like that
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just high enough for therapy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
