feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
