is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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