I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
