You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
