I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
