I smell stomach acid.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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