I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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