I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
