i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
