Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
