I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
