i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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