My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
