i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
