Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
