I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
