Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
