Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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