My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's the barista slut.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
