Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize