Already got asked if we're dating
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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