so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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