ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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