I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
