Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
