I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
