Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
