I am midnight drunk by noon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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