Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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