Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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