bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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