Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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