We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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