my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize