guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize