I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to have your abortion
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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