I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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