It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
