I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
