so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think a kid would responsible me up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
