i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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