I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
